The Movie that Christmas Forgot

Gremlins

     Turn on all your lights, and start the fire.  Gremlins are here.  Gremlins is the tale of a father trying to surprise his son with a wonderful Christmas gift, a mogwai.  But this creature comes with rules.  Never get it wet, do not let it out in the sun, and never ever feed it after midnight.  One mistake and before you know it your life is falling apart gremlin by gremlin.

     What better way to celebrate Christmas than a story of greed, consumerism, and the way it brings us all together.  

With Christmas just around the corner you're probably thinking to yourself, "What movies should I watch?"  You can dust off the old classics, Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, Elf, It's a Wonderful Life, and more.
But if you're looking to change it up a bit, here could be a new addition to your line up.

Rocky Balboa must defend the honor of America against the red enemies of Russia.  It's a heart breaking journey for the Italian Stallion as he loses a friend and has to leave home for Russia to confront the dreaded Ivan Drago.  They will main event Christmas day and the fate of the cold war itself lies in his gloves.

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th part 7: New Blood

     Celebrate this wonderful holiday with one of the overlooked Friday the 13th sequels.  I have to hand it to the 13th franchise.  Six movies behind them all consisting around the story idea of a murder at the same camp.  Granted two of them had non Jason Voorhees killers, but seriously people need to stop going to that area.  

     This time around they don't change up the killer.  They change up the hero.  Tina Shepard goes to Camp Crystal Lake to relive her childhood trama only to discover she has telekinetic abilities.  Then she unknowingly releases Jason from his chains at the bottom of the lake.  It's up to her and her new found powers to put him back.

     It's really brilliant.  The villain is indestructible for no real reason.  You might as well even the playing field a bit for our hero.  It also features my favorite look for Jason from any of the other 13th films.  (Jason X comes in a close second.)

    New Blood marks a changing of idea in the series.  While the rest of the films were mostly misses it certainly doesn't lose points for lack of trying.  

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

      Settle in, folks.  You'll be in the theater for a while.  Bilbo, Gandolf, and company have returned to continue their journey to the Lonely Mountain and help Thorin claim his throne as King Under the Mountain.
      If you've seen any of the previous Lord of the Ring trilogy or the first Hobbit film then you know what to expect from The Desolation of Smaug.  The action bounces from exciting to comical almost on the turn of a dime.  We're taken to several towns further world building of Middle Earth.  And new characters arise that steal the show.
     Benedict Cumberbatch is wonderful as the dragon Smaug.  Like Andy Serks as Gollum, Cumberbatch will be the talk of the show.  The smugness and self-righteous oozes out of Smaug.  Which is also a testament to the cgi creators.
     The only problems with the film are Gandolf's side story.  He splits off to journey across the land to discover the return of Sauron.  While the drama is played up its less impactful.  We know he is not going to be able to prevent the return of Sauron.  All Gandolf is doing is explaining to the audience character set-ups for the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.  Most of which are, "This is really evil."
     Also since this is only two of three.  Do not get excited for any kind of conclusion.  While the first Hobbit may have ended on a low note in the journey.  Desolation of Smaug ends with a massive cliffhanger.
   
4/5 stars

Thor: The Dark World

  It's time to gear up yet again for the Marvel Universe.  Thor is back and this time better than ever.  While the first Thor may have been lackluster in many eyes, Thor:  The Dark World makes up for that.   Which isn't that hard, mind you.  It's not that Thor was a bad movie.  But the creators have now had two movies to see what their strengths are.  
  Asgard comes to life and looks as inhabitable as any location on Earth.  It's touched upon a couple of times in the movie, but the visual really sends it home.  These are not benevolent gods that simply watch over mankind.  They are people too, that simply live much longer and are more powerful.
  Loki also returns and he steals the show.  Tom Hiddleston revels as the trickster god.  He dances through the plot never sure what side of the line he is on.
  The only real gripe is the ending being very Hollywood.  Which isn't really a problem, just a "I've seen this before," complaint.
  The cast also shines with surprisingly Natalie Portman being the weakest link.  It's sad to see so many great actors in minor roles.  Though they did give Idris Elba a larger part of the story from the original.  if only we could see more of Thor's cast in the other Marvel movies.
  Also, don't forget to hang around through the credits.  Marvel continues to lay down the seeds for future movies, possibly Avengers 3?
  Check it out in theaters.  Go ahead and save yourself a few bucks and op for 2D.  There is nothing special for 3D.

4/5 stars.

Machete Kills

    I'm torn.  What Machete Kills loses in charm compared to its previous film/trailer, it gains in its ridiculously awesome-ness and its characters.  The story certainly isn't what you'd expect.  This is a movie you really have to just let go, and enjoy the ride.
    There are times that Machete Kills forgets that it is parading crappy films and becomes one itself.  I blame it mostly on HD standards.  The film looks too clean for what it should be.  It should be grainy and dirty, not crisp like a made-for-tv movie.  It creates the wrong feel for the movies.
    The plot revels in its own chaos.  Machete becomes the man who can not die, literally.  We're even teased for the third Machete film that this film begins to build toward.
    The break out though is the character, El Cameleon.  After his debut scene you'll be wanting more.
    Hunt this movie down at the dollar theater.

3/5 stars

Gravity

     Gravity is a treat.  It's rare that a film will come out with not only an excitable plot, but characters you want to cheer for.  You'll be on the edge of your seats while Sandra Bullock and George Clooney try to make it to safety.
     I'd also be amiss not to mention the special effects.  They are some of the best to date.  Space travel plays really well into the 3D effects.  If there is any time to go see a movie in 3D it's Gravity.

5/5 stars

Marvel Movie Marathon

      

    Agents of Shield has made it two episodes so far, Iron Man 3 is out on DVD, and Thor: The Dark World will be released in a month.  It's now that time now that you look back and say, "I want to get caught up on everything again."
      But how do you do it?  I know, I know.  Most of you guys are saying to yourself, "But Dane!  You just watch the movies in order of their released date."
      Well, sit back, and let me argue that you're wrong.  There are a couple of problems with watching a Marvel Marathon by release date, and the biggest nuisance is The Incredible Hulk.
      Hulk is the red headed step child of the Marvel Universe.  It came out too early to really have any real connection to The Avengers, unlike Iron Man 2 and beyond, but it still tried to be a part of the whole thing.  Because of that, Hulk can get shuffled around a bit.  Add to that, that Captain America took place in the 1940's, it also has some wiggle room.
      So let's take a look at this new order for a Marvel Movie Marathon.

     Iron Man:  The first movie should begin the whole thing.  It's only right.  Plus, we begin in a world that hasn't changed much.  Tony Stark creates his Iron Man suit and the world hasn't caught up yet.  Plus we meet for the first time, S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury, and the Avengers Initiative.
   
     Iron Man 2:  This continues the idea of escalation.  During IM2 the world is up in arms about Tony being the most powerful man in the world, and nobody can match it.  Stark is of course cocky about that, and is soon put in his place by Whiplash.  What also follows is Nick Fury officially bringing in Tony Stark as a consultant on the Avengers Initiative.  This movie also brings to light Howard Stark, the world's fair and the tesseract.
 
     Captain America:  Now, we're jumping around.  We've just seen the world start to discover new powers, but it wasn't always like that.  During WWII, the world was on the brink of destruction due to Hydra, and America had a secret weapon of their own, a super soldier known as Captain America.  Here we get a taste of the norse gods, the super soldier serum, and we set the stage for the tesseract in later films.

     The Incredible Hulk:  Back to the present.  Hulk's biggest connection to any of the Marvel movies was to Captain America due to references of the super soldier serum.  Hulk also takes places during the events of IM2.  So technically speaking we haven't lost any future time of the Marvel timeline.  Plus, the end credits have Stark confronting General Ross about a team he's putting together.  Up until the end of IM2, Stark would not have been doing that.

    Thor:  The theme of escalation continues.  The world is catching up to greater powers, and just in time.  Thor has landed.  The Red Skull was said to worship other gods.  Now, it's time to meet them.  The world is hit with aliens, and Loki is brought to the forefront.  Finally at the end credits, it's revealed the tesseract is in the hands of S.H.I.E.L.D.

   Avengers:  Aliens have attacked and they keep on coming.  Loki makes his return.  And the world will never be the same.  


Enjoy your marathon.

The Family

         Robert De Niro returns to the mobster genre as Giovanni Manzoni or Fred Blake in The Family.  He and his family have been in witness protection for years after Manzoni turned in his fellow mobsters.  Now they travel the world due to various incidents the family causes as they try to stay out of sight from their new enemies.
        The Family possesses a wonderful set of characters and moments, but ultimately falls short of the bill.  The plot begins to drag int he middle and relies too heavily on coincidence to not only get the family in trouble, but to also help them escape their problems.  It's dry and dark humor the entire way through.  Don't expect to laugh out loud in the theater, but don't be surprised when one choice word brings a smile to your face.
      Check out The Family when it reaches the dollar theater.

3/5 Stars

Is it worth it all?

      I've been away for a week on vacation to Europe.  A few of those days were spent in Paris.  The Louvre was a must do on the list.  I later began to re-think that decision.

      As evident from the start of the grand museum, the Mona Lisa is one of the biggest attractions.  Signs are posted every twenty feet directing you to the destination.  It's difficult to miss, even in the giant maze they have built.  You finally arrive at the room, and the words start coming into your brain, "Is it worth it all?"

      Is this really a mob of fans I have to fight through to see the Mona Lisa?  Have they dreamed of the moment they got to see the Mona Lisa up close (or within fifteen feet)?  Or are they doing it just to say they saw it?

     Like many things in pop culture, the idea of the Mona Lisa has grown far better than the painting.  It's no longer about seeing the painting for yourself.  It's about fighting through the crowd, earning that front row spot.  

     The grueling crowd allows little movement.  A handful of people will even get to second base by the time you make it to the front and back.  And it's all for the glory of taking a picture.  Again, "Is that worth it all?"

     I've seen the Mona Lisa hundreds of times.  Heck, I saw it a dozen times on my walk to the room.  The only difference in image quality was... this one was less?  It's the original.  I get it.  But in the day and age of copy and paste where does original really fit in?  

     Popularity has killed the museum experience.  So many paintings are lost because there is no space to simply soak in what you are looking at.  The crowds rumble in your ear, body heat warms the entire area, and every second somebody is having their picture taken in front of the picture you want to look at.  

     If you ever get the chance at a museum, find paintings you've never heard of before.  Discover something new.  Don't struggle against the crowds because the popular painting is around.  Take a look at it sure, but don't forget that there are hundreds of works of art that can tickle your fancy, and with some luck there will be fewer people so you can actually enjoy yourself.  Discovering art is meant to evoke wonderful emotions in yourself, not make you want to rip somebody's camera out of their hand because they smell when their arm is lifted.

    Never be afraid to look at the less beaten paths in art.  You may find something you like.

p.s. one of my favorites of the day.  The Monkey Painter by Alexandre Gabriel-Decamps

Riddick

                      The Furyan is back in his third installment (fourth if you want to count the animated movie, Dark Fury [heck, five or six if you want to count the games as well]).  This time around they'r ditching the Chronicles part and going just for the simple title, Riddick.  It's a bold effort that ultimately was left lacking.

                      Vin Diesel and company have cerntainly learned from their mistakes from the second film Chronicles of Riddick.  They've instead returned to the simpler formula that Pitch Black had involving a series of survivors against the darkness of the planet they are on.  

                      This isn't the same planet.  Riddick takes place shortly after Chronicles left off.  The Necromongers have abandoned their new ruler to die on this lonely planet.  Riddick then lives in solitude on this planet for possibly years.   The time table is visible through a dog he adopts as a puppy.  It grows up between scenes.

                     After all this time, Riddick finally realizes true danger is coming in the shape of a storm.  Creatures are swarming within the rain.  He now has to find a way off.  Ridick makes his presence known and the bounty hunters are on the way.  It becomes bounty hunter versus bounty hunter versus Riddick in a dash to the spaceship with vicious aliens surrounding them.  

                     The opening starts off slow.  It's Riddick alone on a planet with a few animals.  A tiny flashback breaks it up showing us what happened before the film that lead him to near death.  It's a lovely scene of man versus nature, but it's not what you'd expect from a rated R action movie.  

                    Finally the movie picks up once the bounty hunters arrive.  Riddick is up to his old tricks, killing and getting into everybody's head.  

                    Then the action starts and it dies down quickly.  The monsters despite being the entire trailer are only in the second half of the film.  They aren't the crutch of the story they are just an obstacle.  The heart of the story is Riddick being hunted by the bounty hunter, Johns.  A name that might be familiar to Riddick fans.  But what attention the middle of the movie gathered is all lost as Riddick deals with his enemies unspectacularly.  

                     It's a strong film without a story to hold it up.  Maybe they'll do better with another one.  

3/5 stars

I'll Buy That For a Dollar

Atomic Blue: MEXican Wrestler

        In the spirit of the El Santo lucha libre films from the 60's and 70's comes the 1999 classic Atomic Blue.  When there is nobody to turn to you, it's time to look to the heroic actions of the mysterious masked men in the ring.  Atomic Blue, or Azul Atomico as they call him in the film, is here to save the day!
        The movie centers around the young boy Nick.  His neighborhood is being evicted because of a new highway system wanting to be built.  (Which in LA might be needed).  Nick's older brother is the most vocal of the bunch to put a stop it it.  He's the most vocal only because he speaks English when his neighbors do not.  One of the developers not wanting to go to court sends out his gang of thugs to handle the situation.  Nick's older brother is quickly disposed of, being fatally shot.
       Now follows the convoluted timeline that leads us to the end of the film.  Non of the characters seem to really care that the son died.  Only Nick, is doing anything about it.  Maybe some time has passed.  We don't know.  The next time the rest of the family is met they are debating whether or not wrestling is real.
      Azul Atomico is brought into the fray when young Nick asks for his help.  Azul reluctant at first then has a win during his wrestling match and I guess in his adrenaline high heads out to Nick's house to find out more about the situation.  While he does try to do it secretly the blue mask really throws off the rest of his downplayed outfit of leather jacket and beret.
      Upon word of Azul's aid the developers send out their thugs to handle the situation.  They are no match for our hero.  Then to further up the ante a bounty his put on Azul's head.  The bounty takes mere seconds to get everyone's attention.  Wrestlers from all around the world now want a piece of Azul.
      During one of these dangerous matches, the only one shown, Nick is kidnapped.  Azul discovers the plot and naturally he and his manager go out to a club.  There they do a little drinking, dancing, fighting off the bounty before Azul finds out where Nick is being held.  He's told by none other than Mexican Elvis.
     The climax comes when Azul must finally beat down the thugs, and the developer himself.  When all is said and done somehow them fighting and putting the developer in a trash can means the neighborhood his safe.  Azul Atomic walks off into the darkness.
      Maybe the creators of Atomic Blue should have followed a little more with the old lucha libre films.  Instead of having a developer be their main bad guy and just go with the ridiculousness of it all and bring in some sci-fi/fantasy elements.  Atomic Blue vs the monster under the bridge!  Oh well.

     It was worth a dollar.

The World's End

      What a blast!   The team of Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost have brought us their best work yet in The World's End.  It's great to see Pegg and Frost together again to fight the powers that be at controlling our lives.
       This time around in the trilogy in spirit only, Pegg plays Gary King, an alcoholic that won't let go of the good old days back in high school.  He ropes in the old gang to reattempt, "The Golden Mile." Five guys, twelve pubs, twelve pints.  Frost plays Andy Knightly.  Now, the former friend of King's that reluctantly goes on the trip because he believes Gary has changed.  He was wrong.
       Along the way, they discover their hometown has been taken over by robots, and the only way out is to act normal and finish the pub crawl.
       All of the actors played wonderfully off of each other.  Their banter going from the immaturish to english literature.  Martin Freeman is especially great as the movie progresses and he changes attitudes about the situation.
       It almost hits too close to home as you get older and realize this is what happens in life.  You lose touch with old friends and trying to recapture the magic just doesn't go as well as you would think.  It's only your history that keeps you together and in The World's End it's only their history of each other that keeps them alive.
       My only small complaint is the climax.  It's not bad, it's just silly.  The Gary and Andy emotionally climax in the scene previous and it leaves the movie to still wrap up the great robot problem.  It's a much more serious moment for the two, while the robot leader makes its appearance and sounds like a tired teenage assistant manager voiced by Bill Nighy.
       It's not enough to bring the movie down.  The movie is a wonderful ride that will lead you all the way to the end of the world.

5/5 stars

Crazy Prediction of the Day

        Now, you're gonna have to stick with me on this.  It's a bold prediction that involves at least one major company crossover.
        As some of you may have heard, the new Avengers movie will be called Avengers:  Age of Ultron.  Some of you may not have heard that there was a recent Marvel Comic storyline called Age of Ultron.  Of course, this is all being meant to be a coincidence.  But what if it is not?
        Just imagine....
       The end of The Age of Ultron comic leaves the Marvel Universe in shambles.  Their timeline is messed up according to writer Brian Michael Bendis.  It is evident with Galactus crossing over to the Marvel Ultimate Universe.  What if that wasn't the only being to end up in a different timeline?  What if Ultron has crossed over to the Marvel Movie universe?    It could be a similar set up to to the new Star Trek.  Ultron knows the Avengers, but a different Avengers.  And he still wants to kill them all.
       But wait there's more!   Over at Fox Studios, another Marvel world is experiencing some time travel troubles.  The movie X-men are dealing with Days of Future Past.  Hugh Jackman is more than ready to bring his Wolverine to the Avenger's arena.  Maybe that's not a wish, and it's a hint?
      So that's two worlds that are dealing with time travel woes.  Who better to notice alternate world's causing problems on a cosmic scale than our boy, Thanos, who we saw at the end of the first Avengers film.  The Infinity Gauntlet exists in the Marvel Movie world as seen in Thor.  It can give him the power to change the fabric of reality.
     Then!  Avengers 3 rolls around.  The Avengers!  X-men!  Thanos!  Comic Book Crossovers!  The fate of the universe in the palm of a hand!
     I'll see you there.

Ghost Shark

      The Syfy Network has decided to ride the wave of Sharknado fever.  They bring out their original movie that combines two of their favorite subjects:  sharks and ghosts!  The spirit of a shark wrongfully killed seeks vengeance on an unsuspecting town.
       Ghost Shark is one of the better Syfy original movies.  Too bad its attempt at Twitter recognition went a little flat.  Ghost Shark just doesn't have the trending sound to it, like shark tornado does.  The plot keeps around the main characters and shortly breaks off for soon to die characters or the small B storyline.
       And small B storyline that is.  There is a plot revealed about the crazy old man and him accidentally murdering his wife.  The wife's spirit is rarely seen, but continues to play a bizarrely crucial role throughout the plot.  She is a part of the second act that forces us to the third.  Luckily, there was a museum curator who though he doesn't believe in ghosts is more than willing to show these kids how to defeat a ghosts.
       The greatest thing Ghost Shark offers is the massacre of its victims.  A lot more kids die than I would have suspected.  You'll never drink a glass of water again.  Also, apparently, obese is the new black.  That's progress, ladies and gentlemen.

The Conjuring

    A few years ago Paranormal Activity set a trend of using the slow burn to get at its audience.  People sit in the theater for two hours and slowly simmer until the final big scare at the end.  The Conjuring does the opposite.
    The first ten minutes will have you gripping your seat and you then have to find a way to settle into the theater as you watch the rest of the movie.  Even as the story calms down a bit, those first ten minutes still have a hold on you.  It will not go away, and just when you think it does they revisit it.
    While the rest of the plot isn't entirely new to the horror genre, it plays to all of the strengths and is an entertaining film.  Things move around the house, strange noise come from places that they shouldn't be.  It proves that old cliches can still work.  You just have to have confidence in them.  The direction and camera work let you know where you are in the house in relation to everybody else.  You get a sense of familiarity then you lose it all when something comes clapping in an empty room.
     Go get scared.

4/5 stars

Kick-Ass 2

        Kick-Ass 2 near rocking good time, that just falls short of its predecessor.  The best thing about the first film was Hit Girl played by Chloe Grace Moretz.  It's unfortunate that they regulate her through the movie as just her alter ego, Mindy.  They gave her the entire third act in Kick-Ass.  They should have continued the trend.  Instead we are treated with our title character, Kick-Ass, and much of his selfish ways.  

        You could argue that's what makes the Kick-Ass franchise different.  The hero is supposed be very real and flawed.  He rarely wins fights.  But that's not why I watch movies.  I want to see somebody go out there kick ass, and take names.  Hit Girl delivers that.  Oh well.  

        The rest of the movie plays well as you watch the world of superheroes begin to unfold.  More people come out dressed as a crimefighter and patrol the streets.  It's only natural that somebody would take up the fight for the other side. 

         Christopher Mintz-Plasse returns as the former Red Mist,  now known as The Motherf*****.  He is joined by Black Death, The Tumor,  Genghis Carnage, and Mother Russia.  Each name is as stereotypical as you think.  Which is the point, mind you.

         Kick-Ass is the attempt at poking fun of the superhero genre while still reveling in it.  It shows just how outrageous somebody would have to think to dress up in a costume and go out to either fight crime or commit it.  They are all there for the glory and the theatrics.  The Motherf***** brings this out the best as each step he has to try and play by supervillian rules.  

         Go out and enjoy the insanity of it all.  It'll make you want to fight crime and kick ass.

4/5 stars  

       

Eluan Falls: The Inheritors of the World for free this weekend

You can download my newest book for free exclusively on Amazon August 17th and 18th.

Eluan Falls: The Inheritors of the World

        Peace has finally come over the Eluan Empire.  Heric Caning is the heir to the throne and rumors of his fathers deteriorating health have begun to spread.  He bears the world on his shoulders while his cousin, Nikali wastes away his days in taverns, drinking magic into his body.
        When it is announced the Eluan Empire has finally passed the canyon with no bottom, Heric and Nikali will journey across to meet their new neighbors in the Louson Kingdom.  The knowledge they learn and what follows them back will be the beginning of the end for their powerful society.
         The fall begins in this five part series.  Download it today.

The Heat

          I was looking forward to this film.  I really was.  The idea of a buddy cop film starring two women peaked my interest.  It's no big secret in Hollywood that lead action roles are rare for women.  The Heat looked like a chance to break down a few boundaries, and show that women could kick as as much as the men can.
          Too bad that the movie falls just a big short of the mark.  The Heat relies too much on quircky comedy and characachers to be taken too seriously.  The opening sequence would have you believe its a throwback to cop films from the 70's.  Then modern day character types and personalities come right out.
           Sandra Bullock plays Agent Ashburn, a career woman who has given up on a personal life to be the best FBI agent around.  Despite her impressive record she is not taken seriously because of her off putting personality.
           Melissa McCarthy stars as Officer Mullins, the ruff cop from the streets that may be a pain in the ass, but gets the job done.  When these two meet up, it's a clash of personalities until they realize they both have the heart of being a good cop.
           McCarthy is the best thing going in this film.  She shines as every foul insult comes out of her mouth, but unfortunately it is Bullock's show and sometimes you have to wait for McCarthy to come back.
           While having some strong moments, this script falls apart toward the end.  The theme of women in a man's job gets touched several times.  A DEA agent becoming the personification of the misogynistic role for the women to deal with.
           Then the script falls into a bind, and just puts the remaining pieces its set up wherever it can.  It might not be the greatest story development, but hey its there.  Somebody did there job.
          Wait for this movie to come out on dvd.  You'll get a few laughs.

3/5 Stars

Coming Soon

Reviews coming soon!